A Man, A Jeep, No Real Plan

Amazing Stories and Adventures

No Plan

Days 21, 22, and 23: The Stumble Home

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The journey home was a long one… I left Pheonix at 4:30 in the morning on day 21. I was a man on a mission. The mission was simple, drive 920 miles from Pheonix, AZ to Fort Collins, CO.

The trip took me through Santa Fe. That was a bit rough. I didn’t even have time to stop in and wave. You see, I have spent a few seasons working at the opera there, and I still have a lot of friends in the area. It was my intention to make an appearance as part of this adventure. However like so many things involving me and Santa Fe, it just wasn’t meant to be. Honestly if my track record for visiting is any indicator, it’s probably for the best. Still sad to be so close to so many I hold dear, but unable to swing by, but things will be as they are meant to be.

As I traveled further north I started to smell smoke. I bet you think It was Jeff. Shame on you.

My drive took me close enough to a few of the large fires that the smoke blocked out the sun. It was surreal to see the glow in the distance, the pinks and purples peaking through the clouds, and the realization that almost everyone else was smart enough to find a route that was further away from the fires. The wimps!

Well, around 9:30pm I arrived in Fort Collins, CO and got to visit with Keenan and Sarah. Keenan is literally my oldest friend. He grew up about a half mile through the woods from me and we bonded from an early age over video games, blowing things up, and a mutual understanding that there were no other playmates within walking distance. Haha. He has been my best friend, a roommate, and on more than one occasion the recipient of a drunken freaked out phone call. Sarah is the woman who tolerates us and I honestly have no clue why…

Well these two have been engaged forever. And by forever I mean I think in the amount of time they have been engaged I got engaged, married, and divorced. Everyone has given up on them ever actually doing it.

Well I think the fires I drove through were my preview to hell freezing over. They have set a date. October something 2019… They told me the day, but until I receive that save the date etched in stone I am not going to remember it.

The other news is that they asked if I would officiate their ceremony. After some negotiations on how much input I get and weather or not I have to wear pants to the ceremony, I graciously accepted. So internet, prepare to ordain me. I wonder if I pay a little extra can get a tittle? Like Arch Bishop DeLong? Would it be weird if I insisted on making people call me “your excellency” at the wedding? Don’t worry, I’ll let them kiss my ring. Haha

But seriously Keenan and Sarah, I am honored and I promise to only embarrass myself.

Day 22 was fairly uneventful as far as travels go. I drove a half hour to I-70 and then drove East for 8.5 hours to Amanda and Jakes in Kansas City. The only notable thing is that my water bottle tasted a bit off towards the end of the day. I thought nothing of it, but… we’ll get to that later.

So I arrived at Amanda and Jakes and their dog Cooper lost his mind. I’m talking jumping, rebounding off a wall, licking my face, into a back flip kinda excited. I am his favorite human. I think Amanda is a bit jealous.

Speaking of Amanda, she is kinda preggars at the moment. So we are not going to make any jokes about anything…

But I have already started thinking of all the memes that I am going to make out of this photo…

At any rate it was a lovely evening of hanging out and watching Firefly and shooting the shit with these two. Odds are the next time I see them I will have a tiny human who will no doubt have her mothers sass demanding my attention.

Day 23 should have been an easy one. Only 6 hours of driving home, 5 of which on I-70… well you remember how my water tasted a little off. I am going to say that was the issue. Because any other explanation would mean Amanda gave me food poisoning and I am pretty sure even implying that’s a possibility would be a serious infraction.

So, about 50 miles into my drive I started to experience, shall we say gastrointestinal distress. I made it to a truck stop and the took care of business, or so I thought. 4 miles down the road, the urge returned. Pulled off on the next exit and once again took care of business. After waiting a good long while to make sure it was safe to return to driving, I hit the road again. About 10 miles down the road I suddenly felt nauseous, and then I felt more than nauseous. I cut Jeff across 3 lanes of traffic while going 85mph. I slammed on my brakes the moment I hit that shoulder. I put Jeff in park the moment he was sort of stopped, flipped on the hazard lights, and made a B-line to the guardrail on the side of the road. That is were I went all exorcist. I have done a great many things on the side of highways over the years, but this is the first time I have violently vomited. I don’t recommend it.

I traveled the next 100 miles an exit at a time. Day 23 was going to be the last day on this adventure no matter what. Once I started feeling better I started skipping a few exits, until finally I was back to being a functional human being.

At 6:49 PM I pulled into my driveway and officially ended this adventure. 7,626 miles of driving over 16 states, 11 National parks visited, 13 friends visited, $4,126 worth of repairs to Jeff, 342 gallons of gas, $255 worth of gambling profits, 1 case of serious food poisoning, 1 new tattoo, and more stories than I can even currently comprehend.

That my friends was one hell of an adventure. Road Trip 2018 is over, but my journeys are far from over. I am currently sitting in my new home, or rather the gutted shell that will soon be known as “The DeLong Home For Adults Who Can’t Even”. I am flying to FL to start a new job that is a serious step foreword career wise in a little over a week. I also am not about to start adulting full time any time soon.

So, thank you for joining me on this round, but remember, life is an adventure and only you can embrace it.

“I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different points of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”

-Eric Roth

Points scored on stumble:

– 2 points for visiting with friends

– 2 point for accruing another 1000 miles twice

Total score for this trip: 42

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Day 18: Lets Do Some Gambling

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I woke up this morning in my nearly abandoned campground with no real idea what my day had in store for me. All I knew was that I wanted to be in Vegas by 7:30am tomorrow to drop Jeff off at a mechanic.

So I had my usual breakfast and started to leisurely breakdown camp. Around 9am I pulled out, and picked a direction, because I had no cell coverage to acquire directions for the first 30 miles of my drive. Luckily I picked correctly!

Once you get out of the mountains and into the Mojave there is nothing… just 109 degrees and wind.

Speaking of wind… Dear Lord it’s intense… Jeff’s AC is still out of commission, so I have been rolling with both front windows all the way down since day one of this adventure. I also have a platform with a twin sized mattress, sheets, blankets, and now only one pillow. That’s right, I had a gust so intense that it grabbed one of my pillows, sucked it out my drivers window, and promptly set it underneath and 18 wheeler going the opposite direction. All while driving 70 miles an hour. That was the moment I truest realized what a gamble it is to drive through the desert.

Someone, actually several someone’s lost that gamble. Traffic came to a standstill for about a half hour due to an overturned semi. Being the smart owner of an older vehicle (that doesn’t have AC anyways) I turned Jeff off. Once traffic started up again I passed 3 (newer) cars that had overheated while sitting idling with their AC blasting. All of this before I hit Death Valley.

When I finally got to Death Valley I only had about a gallon of water left of the 4 I started the drive with. More than enough to get me to Vegas, assuming Death Valley didn’t try to kill Jeff. Also the front bearings on Jeff are in dire condition (hence the need for a mechanic in Vegas). This is probably the biggest gamble I have taken with Jeff to date.

Like the Solar boiler I stumbled upon on the other side of the valley, Jeff was a shining star. No overheating, no wheels falling off, not even the usual unexplained noise from under the passenger seat (I honestly think I lost a bear bell down there).

And for his good behavior Jeff got Valet Parking at the Golden Nugget. That’s right folks, it was high time I got a shower and if you’re going to Vegas, you might as well stay in a casino.

They also have this awesome shark tank in their pool area…

At any rate, I hopped through the shower and started my evening in the casino. I am not going to say how far up I was at one point, but when I called it quits I was only 100 in the hole. I really never do quit when I’m ahead…

After that I stumbled into the streets to see what I could find. I ended up at a club that featured a balcony overlooking this plaza.

As I got into the elevator a group of officers who were in town for a wedding, asked about the kilt and I ended up spending my evening with this crazy group. There was drinking, hand rolled cigars, dancing, more drinking, and a lot of story swapping. We had a blast.

I finally found my bed around 4:45am. My alarm is going off at 6:30 so I can get Jeff to the mechanic when they open. Tomorrow is gonna be a very interesting day!

Daily Score: 1

– 1 point for accruing another 1,000 miles

Total score to date: 29

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Day 17: Not As Adventurous

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I woke up this morning to an email with official word that I passed my pre-employment drug screen and background check. So it was time to let the cat out of the bag about everything that I have been keeping on the DL for the past few weeks. I’d like to thank all of you for the outpouring of congratulations and support. That being said, due to the infrequent cell coverage out here I was getting all of your messages and social media notifications every 15 minutes or so in nearly unmanageable quantities. So I did not get a photo of my breakfast of champions.

So, I may have overdone it a bit yesterday with my hiking… so today I chose a much more touristy trail through the sequoia grove. These trees are impressive, not as massive as their cousins at Redwood National Forest, but still massive.

After that I did a scenic drive around the valley, hitting all of the touristy overlooks as well as a drive through the tunnel.

My evening was spent trying to figure out my return home. I am going to try and couch surf my way back to Indiana and visit with friends I haven’t seen in years. I think the return order is going to be Vegas, Pheonix, Fort Collins, Kansas City and then home… but who knows how my adventures will actually end up.

Daily Score: 0

Total score to date: 28

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Day 16: El Capitain

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This guy has been my constant companion in this empty campground. He’s a bit skittish, but I did manage to have a complete conversation about how empty the campground is this morning.

We also discussed the mosquito issue… it’s bad…

Of course I had my breakfast of champions before heading out for my day of adventures in Yosemite.

My first destination was Taft Point. The hike there was a very leisurely stroll through the woods.

That is El Capitain. It is the holy grail in the rock climbing world and a few years back a guy by the name of Alex Honnold became the biggest badass of any athlete, in any sport, when he solo free climbed it. To date he is the only person to attempt to climb what was considered impossible to climbs even with gear 25 years ago… without any gear. I, like most climbers have an obsession with El Capitain, so expect to see a lot more photos of this bad boy.

Oh also that selfie is on the scavenger hunt… points were scored on the day. Haha

My next destination was to summit Sentinel Dome. I may have accidentally taken the scenic route up there… but look at this pictures I got while on an “unofficial” trail.

The summit was beautiful! 360 degree panoramic view of Yosemite. There also was a very cooperative raven who was willing to work with me for a photo shoot.

That’s the view of Sentinel Dome as I stumbled down the mountain where I hitchhiked back to the jeep… oh wait hitchhiking is on the list. Score for more points!

I spent my evening alone in camp with a bottle of local wine contemplating a lot of things that I haven’t announce on here… till now.

After Yosemite I am going to start my journey home. This trip has and will continue to be amazing. However I have been offered and accepted a full time position (like with real health insurance and a 401k) with Feld Entertainment as a Production Stage Manager. It is their equivalent to a non-working Head Carp. I’ll be flying to Florida in mid July to begin that adventure.

That timeline forces me to move up my other big news. I have bought a new home and I was going to slowly remodel and move, but it looks like I need to go home and get moved so I can have my condo ready to be a rental before I leave.

There also may or may not be a girl back home who I need to spend some time with before I leave again. I’ll bet each and everyone of you 20 bucks she just read that, “squeed”, and then turned 3 shades of red at work.

At any rate, this adventure isn’t over yet, and I am sure to have a ton more in the future, but I won’t be getting my 100 points, or spending a full 30 days on this trip. But life is the adventure and I plan on enjoying it.

Daily Score: 5

– 3 points for selfie with El Capitain

– 2 points for hitchhiking back to jeep

Total score to date: 28

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Day 15: Road Closed

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My morning was a bit rushed, I needed to be out before Rachel had to leave for work. Luckily, I didn’t really need to do anything other than put on my kilt and grab my bags.

My first stop was at a drug testing lab on my way out of town. Apparently my new employer wants to make sure I don’t smoke pot. I have to say, I have been drug tested before when working in the construction world, but never before have I had to pee in a cup for a theatre gig… I mean generally speaking in the live entertainment world what you do on your time is no concern for anyone else. But hey, I am moving up the food chain and heading to a company that is known for being different than the others. So I suppose if peeing in a cup is the biggest surprise then I am doing OK!

Up next was my escape from civilization. I drove into San Francisco through wine country, well I drove out through Almond country. Nothing but Almond groves as far as the eye could see. I wish I had stopped to take a picture.

The only stop I did make was at a Jiffy Lube. I realized that Jeff was about 2000 miles over due for an oil change. Well after talking to them I realized that he was over due for pretty much everything… I ended up getting the motor oil, all of the gear boxes, and the transmission fluid changed. It was a 3 hour delay that I had not planned on, but Jeff was driving so much better when I got out of there. The manager also gave me a 10% discount when he heard about this adventure. Finally Jeff is getting some of the respect his position warrants. Haha

The drive from there was all back roads and about 50 miles away from civilization I saw the dreaded “Road Closed in 1 Mile” no detour signs just a sign that might as well of read “screw you”. Well I don’t take kindly to being told no without an explanation, and with no detour sign it’s not like I had an obvious other choice. So I drove down the road to see what I could see. Nothing for 5 miles other than other “road closed signs”. Then I came across a bridge. A partial bridge actually. It was basically just a concrete box with gravel over it, no guard rail, and construction equipment all over the place. I stopped and started searching for an alternate route. That’s when I saw a California Highway Patrol SUV come speeding around the corner (no sirens or anything like that) and just blow right over the bridge like it was nothing.

Well monkey see, monkey do… I didn’t hit that bridge with the same speed, but I did cross it. I also crossed the next 4 bridges I can across in the same condition.

Finally I made it to my campsite. I got everything set up and had my dinner, Mountain House Chicken Noodle. This campground is a ghost town, just me and the host, so I went to bed early. Tomorrow I’ll head into Yosemite and do some hiking, I can’t wait to see this place in person!

Daily Scavenger Hunt score: 0

Total score to date: 23

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