A Man, A Jeep, No Real Plan

Amazing Stories and Adventures

Jeff is a Dick

4/17/20 Very Productive, not a lot of Progress

by

Hello All!

I know, I know, it’s been a hot second since my last update, but I was hoping to have something more impressive to talk about… but I think my tittle for this post says it all.

As you may recall, one of the many ways I am keeping my unemployed self busy is working on my house. Well the door into my sunroom/current kitchen had seen better days. The door it’s self was starting to rot away, and the door casing wasn’t in any better shape… And since we are planning an replacing all of the siding on the house, I might as well go ahead and rip it all out and start from the studs. While doing this I found the above, a 2.5 foot hornets nest. No clue how long it’s been there, but thank god it was abandoned. I found it on day one of this project. The siding is still off on day 8 of the project, but in my defense, it’s been cold and rainy.

I have however replaced the custom door and added a screen door. I have a new rule for houses though, no more weird angles on doors.

Speaking of frustrating projects that are taking way longer than they should… I have been working on Jeff (the jeep). He has the worlds most frustrating vibration. He does fine at low speeds, but when he gets up to about 43 miles an hour, he vibrates uncontrollably. At first I thought it might be as simple as needing my tires rotated and balance. I mean he sat on his tires for 2 years (I’d like it to be noted that they never went flat). So I got the tires rotated and balance. No dice.

So the universal joints are next on the hit list. I have had 7 trips to town for parts. We have done the universal joints on the rear drive shaft. Once again, no dice.

We pulled the front drive shaft off 3 days ago, it has a CV joint that according to all 4 auto part stores in town it shouldn’t have. Trying to get new universal joints into the CV joint has been a challenge. That being said I also now know (after driving it around without a front drive shaft) that the vibration is not coming from the front drive shaft. So once I get that put back on, we’ll be doing the universal joints on the front wheels.

Side note, I have also fixed the transmission leak. It was just a bad gasket on the pan. So I pulled it off, replaced the filter and put a new gasket on it. Unfortunately I forgot to put the magnets back in the pan… I blame YouTube for leaving that step out of the instructions…. And no I am not opening it back up just to put the magnets back in… it’ll be fine… right? Maybe I’ll go back eventually if I need to deal with it.

Speaking of things that needed to be dealt with, we did not have chalk for the dart scoreboard. I did however have a box of 1 inch chalk for marking floors while rigging at work. So I did what any logical individual would do, I used a Japanese saw to cut the chalk into quarters. I want it to be noted that no alcohol was involved in this process and no blood was spilled.

Speaking of processes that shouldn’t involve alcohol, I have also been devoting a few hours a day to harassing my elected officials. I saw a meme a few weeks back that I am taking to heart. of course I can’t find it now, but it read, “Don’t let the current world break you, let it radicalize you.”

I don’t think believing we should have a better social safety net is all that radical of a concept, but as long as I am unemployed I am going to be loud about how broken the system is. I can tell you that my senator and representative at the federal level have wonderful form letters that they use to respond when you email and they don’t answer their phones. That being said I am still calling and emailing them everyday. I’m going to end up on a list somewhere, but hopefully it’s a list of “annoyingly persistent constituents who won’t shut up until we appease them”.

I’m not going to preach my politics at you all, but if you are fed up with the system, and find yourself with some spare time, feel free to use the below link to track down the individuals who represent you.

https://www.usa.gov/elected-officials/

Speaking of fed up, I believe the tiny terrorist is over my shit. Or at least a few days ago he haphazardly packed his suitcase, dragged it out of his room and started demanding to go to his grandmothers. Luckily she was interested in a visit and that’s how Pretty Lady and I got a childless evening… How did we spend it you ask? simple, we went grocery shopping, took the long way home (like an extra hour of driving long way), and then she watched me fail at cooking something new… I have also been doing a lot of that recently…

Well friends, That’s it for my adventures as of late!

Days Unemployed: 28

Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 13 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 2 points for completing notable steps on the house (1 for each door on the sun room), 2 points for getting exiled to the garage by the pretty lady (face licking to wake someone up is cute when a dog does it, not when I do it), 1 point for YouTube lying about how to change the filter in my transmission.

To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/

This Update’s total points: 18

Total to date: 57

Please sign up for notifications.

4/8/20 Birthday Party, Jeff Rides Again, and Florida Unemployment

by

Ok, It’s not actually Grant’s Birthday, that was weeks ago, but due to the whole pandemic thing, his party with all of his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and other willing victims got cancelled.

So here we are 3 weeks later and we’ve brought together his grandparents, a great aunt, and most importantly ice cream and cake.

Of course there were presents, surprisingly no one got him anything too obnoxious. I mean, yes there was a soccer ball, but I think the kid needs to put on about 30 more pounds before any of my windows are in danger.

Well I should say the only gift of any concern came from Pretty Lady and I. It is a 12 foot long plastic roller coaster contraption. To say it’s a hit is an understatement. The part that I’m impressed with is that he has only bled once since getting it 3 days ago.

So when he isn’t trying to kill himself on his new toy, the tiny terrorist has been my constant companion. He has gotten over his periodic “not the mamma” fits and even threw a “not the daddy” fit with the pretty lady the other day. But this section is not about him, it’s about Jeff. When I last spoke of my beloved Jeep, he had an antifreeze colored geyser coming out of a random hole in his new head block. Well I am pleased to announce that a plug has been procured for the hole and the engine is running just fine now. Upon trying to take Jeff for a test drive, it was discovered that his brake lines were rusted out. I am proud to say it only took 2 days and 5 trips to the parts store to get the brake lines replaced on Jeff. Once he was “road worthy” I started driving him. The above photo was taken when I was replacing the serpentine belt under the watchful eye of the tiny terrorist.

Of course once it was done Tiny Terrorist demanded a test drive. As you can see from his face, he is not sold on it’s road worthiness. You see, Jeff violently vibrates when you get above about 40 miles an hour. I suspect that this is just the tires needing to be run a bit because Jeff sat on them for almost 2 years. Of course I need to get the tires rotated and balanced, but there is the possibility that my universal joint is going out… I’m hoping not, but Jeff is a dick, so I’ll let you know when I get around to replacing it.

Speaking of dicks, everyone involved in the Florida unemployment system currently qualifies in my book. If any of you underachieving bureaucrats read this, please feel free to reach out and prove me wrong. I would LOVE to speak to you instead of get the run-around from your website and automated phone system. I filed for unemployment 3 weeks ago. I totally understand that you are overwhelmed, but it took 7 hours and dozens of times starting over because your feak’n system kept crashing to file online. My claim is still pending (it’s been 3 weeks), and I think I am supposed to call you and verify my identity, but when I call, I get a message that says you’re experiencing a “higher than normal call volume and you’re automated call back system is down”. The line then goes dead. This is how it has been for 3 weeks, and I have to say, I’m starting to contemplate handing out pitchforks, torches, and relearning the words to “Do You Hear the People Sing” (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYb9sRLUDyM). I do not want to collect unemployment, but Covid-19 has destroyed my industry. There are no jobs in the entertainment industry to be had, my reserves are going to run out long before people are gathering for shows again, and there is very little demand for my skill set elsewhere.

Unless anyone would like to hirer me to build a guillotine in their back yard, no questions, half payment up front, cash only.

Days Unemployed: 19

Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 2 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 1 point for tiny terrorist telling me to be careful while crawling under my jeep while it was running, 2 points for doing something that should get me killed (crawling under jeep while it was running).

To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/

This Update’s total points: 5

Total to date: 39

Please sign up for notifications.

4/3/20 Climbing Trees with Chainsaws, Family Projects, and Antifreeze Colored Geysers

by

Yes, you read that right, I climbed the above tree with a chainsaw. Why you may ask, because there were dead limbs that I am wanting to build things under, I’m too cheap to even consider hiring someone to come do it for me, I momentarily was left unsupervised, and Pretty Lady didn’t think I could do it.

In my defense, I have been using a chainsaw since I was a kid (something about growing up in southern Indiana), and I have been climbing trees since I was very very little. My mother likes to tell a story about one time when we were visiting my grandmother when I was little (3 or 4). Mom was in the Kitchen with Grandma doing the dishes and she looks out the window to see me up the apple tree. Grandma leans over, looks at me and say’s “just break his knees now, it’ll save you a lot of grief”

Well I am pleased to say Mom did not take Grandma’s advice, and after about a half hour of climbing and a little bit of creative positioning I managed to cut down the dead limbs without any injury to myself. I also received the honor of being told by the Tiny Terrorist to be careful.

Once the limbs were down, cleaning up around the tree became a family project. And by that I mean I dragged off the big limbs and then left Caitlyn and Grant to clean out the rest of the junk while played with the chainsaw elsewhere. The list of things they found in that pile includes, but is not limited to, various styles of wire fencing, various types of fence posts, vines, a hammer, and bricks.

Luckily I had trained Grant in the fine art of brick stacking the day before with the family project of clearing junk away from the drive way.

As you can see, my parents got Grant “Grant” sized tools for his birthday. As you can see above, he had a bit of a learning curve on how to use his shovel. That being said, he did spend the majority of a morning helping spread gravel.

Grant did however take a break from shoveling gravel to “tune up” my lawn mower… Or at least I think that’s what he thought he was doing when I found him.

I’m not going to lie, watching him try to figure out a crescent wrench was adorable, unfortunately teaching him the first rule of using your fathers tools resulted in a melt down… Put it back where you found it when you’re done! I mean seriously kid, I am letting you have free reign over the tools in the garage (ok, only the ones he can reach and yes I make sure the dangerous ones are out of reach), but the least you can do is put the wrench back on the nail when you’re done.

I have to say, the tool melt down was at least understandable, unlike the above photo. This melt down was brought to you by a mean mommy who wouldn’t come downstairs to change the TV show. Apparently I am incapable of doing it, even though I was sitting next to him holding the remote when he grabbed it and started to demand Mom come and do it.

Thankfully we all are getting breaks from each other a few time a week when my Mom watches Grant. She does this so Caitlyn can work on school stuff uninterrupted, but I will admit we have dragged our feet a bit on picking him up… I honestly have no clue what all they do, but apparently there is some fort building, and tower building, and a whole lot of quality grandma time. I really don’t know how she does it, but he is worn out and actually volunteers for a nap after spending a few hours with his “Gammy B”… So Yes, we drag our feet on picking him up a little bit…

Speaking of my parents and the mysterious ways they operate. Last night Dad, Bob, and I worked on Jeff until almost 2am.

At one point in time I see Dad using electrical tape to attached a rubber host to the end of a shop vac… It was one of those, “this is either going to be genius, or dumb” ideas… So I had to ask what he was doing. He was devising a way to suck out the oil and any debris that had fallen into the cylinder. Well, it worked… He used the hill-jack engineered device to clean out the cylinder to everyones satisfaction.

A few hours later, Jeff was reassembled and we turned the key in the ignition. I want to go on record as stating that Jeff started right up and ran beautifully! Ok, so there was an antifreeze colored geyser coming out of the hole in the head block that none of use noticed until then, but Jeff ran!!! Apparently the new head block has a hole in it that the old one did not, none of use noticed it until the geyser and we did not have a plug for said hole, so Jeff was left sitting over night. That being said, I am claiming the 10 points for getting Jeff back up and running.

Days Unemployed: 14

Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 5 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 2 points for tiny terrorist telling me to be careful while climbing with a chainsaw, 2 points for doing something that should get me killed (climbing with chainsaw), 10 points for getting Jeff up and running, 2 points for getting the weed eater up and running.

To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/

This Update’s total points: 21

Total to date: 34

Please sign up for notifications.

3/24/20 Three Guys and a Jeep Repair

by

Hello All!

Well my adventures have continued. I got home on Saturday and honestly I didn’t do a damn thing but nurse my hangover.

Sunday wasn’t much more eventful… I worked on a moped that hasn’t run in years (I thought I had fixed it, but the puddle of oil under the tailpipe indicates otherwise), I fixed the drive train on my lawn mower (this one was actually a success), and I unpacked my bags for the first time in 2 years…

Unpacking was a lot more emotional than I had expected. I mean, I knew emptying the bags that I have been living out of for the majority of the Tiny Terrorists life was going to be bitter sweet at best. I was not prepared for the smallest things to trigger an emotional response. Hard hat, “Worlds, Okayist Boss” placard, the sock that lost it’s match so I’ve been using it as a oven glove when cooking in my hotel rooms… So many memories are tied to every single item I’ve been carrying all over the world. It all has a purpose, a role in my life if you will and that role is now gone, just like my job and the entire industry I work in… I mean yes, we as humans tend to get attached to the strangest things, but when everything you need fits into two 35ish pound roller cases… You really get attached to things and taking them out of the suitcases, away from their home if you will… it was rough.

Monday was the first day I really decided to work on the house. The first thing on my hit list is the home gym. The room it’s self was mostly done, all it needs is the rubber flooring to be put down and then baseboards, a door, and some trim work around the door. So I went out and got the rubber flooring pieces that I needed for the project… ok, actually I bought Menards out of the panels and still came up short, but progress was made. The Tiny Terrorist even decided to pull out his hard hat and operate the rubber mallet for me. Pretty lady told us to be careful, and for the most part we were, but… The good news is that I don’t think I’ll be loosing the finger nail he hit with the damn mallet, but yes there was some bleeding… we really need to work on his hand-eye coordination.

After we ran out of materials, I headed out to pick up my father at work and we decided to do a grocery run. Well the governor issued a shelter in place order this afternoon and to say people went a little nuts is an understatement. Folks, the grocery stores are staying open, you can still come and go as you please (you’re just encouraged to not unless it’s “essential”), there is no martial law being enacted, and why the hell did you panic buyers buy all the pasta but leave the pasta sauces?

I mean seriously people, yes there is a pandemic going on, yes, this is how all the zombie movies start (complete with ignoring scientists who were warning us before it got bad), but at the end of the day, the vast majority of us will not catch the Corona, if you do catch it you have over a 99% chance of survival as long as the system isn’t over run… That’s right folks, the stay at home order is about flattening the curve so our joke of a healthcare system doesn’t get over run like they did in Italy. So, please enjoy eating nothing but pasta with no sauce for the next 6 months, if you have me over for dinner, I promise I won’t make fun of you for freaking out… well to your face atleast…

Post grocery run, Dad and I finally embarked on resurecting Jeff. We were joined by our friend Bob, who actually knows what the hell he’s doing under the hood.

As some of you may remember, Jeff (my jeep) blew a head gasket right after my road trip in 2018. He was parked and has not run since then. The oil and antifreeze have comingled to become the same concoction, the mice have moved into my air filter, and instead of pulling the jeep into my shop, where I know where everything is, my father dragged it into the shop on the farm.

So we commenced to taking the engine apart, taking frequent breaks to find the right tool. “If we were in my shop I know where everything is” was frequently uttered by myself… but we persisted and in under 3 hours we had removed the head from the motor.

As you can see in the above photo, three of my 6 cylinders were full of fluid. but, upon close inspection, it looks like I will get away with just cleaning the cylinders, getting the head machined, and replacing the head gasket. So Jeff will be on the road again sooner rather than later!

Days Unemployed: 3

Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 2 points for getting the lawnmower up and running, 2 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 1 point for tiny terrorist being told to be careful with the rubber mallet, 2 points for getting hurt because tiny terrorist wasn’t careful. To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/

This Update’s total points: 7

Total to date: 7

Please sign up for notifications.

The Whirlwind That is My Life

by

Hello all! It’s been a few weeks and for that… I’m not going to apologize. I’ve had a crap ton going on.

I returned to Bloomington and had a week and a half to get my affairs in order to be on tour till May. This included taking possession of my new house, moving out of my condo, getting the condo “renter ready”, starting the renovation of the new house… it was hectic to say the least. Nothing got done, but everything got started and steered in the right direction so other people could finish it after I left.

Some of the highlights of that process included a massive trip to Lowe’s.

A trailer that kept trying to kill me.

 

And addressing my issues with hoarding building materials.

 

Also, of course to add to all of it, Jeff is a dick. Jeff, my trusty steed for my summer adventures, my ride or die partner in crime… blew a head gasket… So Jeff is currently parked on the farm and will be remaining there until I get back to Indiana.

It was an overall adventure and it hurt my soul to leave so soon, but on July 15th I left Bloomington and headed to start my new position at Feld Entertainment as a Production Manager. In all likelihood it’ll be 10 months or more before I’m home again, but that is part of the adventure. My first stop is 84 days straight in Palmetto, FL.

 

That’s right guys, I traded my kilt for slacks and a button up. I am now being paid to be the adult supervision. Apparently the fact that I was on a road trip with no destination during my interview process didn’t tip them off that adulting is not my strong suit.

But don’t worry, they have now figured out that I am descending into the world of being an adult kicking and screaming like the toddler I truly am. I don’t know exactly what tipped them off, but it may have been the fact that I am referring to my cubical as a cell and am refusing to use it, or the fact that I am spending what used to be my smoke breaks wondering around the facility killing zombies… The transition to being an adult may not be going as smooth as some would like. Haha

All of that aside, I really am loving this job. We are currently 2 weeks into the electrics build of my show and all of the other departments will be joining us here at Feld Studios this week. We have 2 weeks of building/training, then we’ll spend a week putting it all together, follow that up with a month of rehearsals and then we open on October 12th in Tampa.

I know that I just glazed over a really long period of time there guys, but I can’t really talk about projects that aren’t open yet. But trust me when I say we’re excited about several of the projects going on around here.

I promise once the show is open and the tour has begun I’ll have more adventures to share with you guys, but until then, why don’t you go have an adventure of your own?

Do you want to be emailed every time I post something new? sign up for email notifications here: