Have you ever tried teaching a toddler how to play Chutes and Ladders? It’s easier than potty training, but you may inadvertly teach them a few new words.
Words similar to the ones you utter when you strip off siding and find carpenter ants… Luckily the house has a life time chemical barrier on it, so one quick phone call and the bug guy was out here spraying. Luckily the dammage was localized, so we’ll just replace a few studs and keep moving. In the real life game of Chutes and Ladders, this is a freak’n chute my friends.
Another “chute” in the real life game is watching the wrong movie on date night. If you ever stumble across a movie titled, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then the Bigfoot. KEEP SCROLLING. There is no better way to kill a date night than this movie. It had everything but a coherent storyline and a competent/sober editor. I mean it has a star studded cast, Nazi’s, romance, secret government agencies, a botched mugging of a badass old man, and Bigfoot! How on earth can this not be an amazing film?
Well, if you go down the acid trip induced rabit hole that is this film… You will have many questions. Questions such as, what is in the box under his bed? What happened to his Girlfriend? Why did he fake his death? Why did he come back after faking his death? How does Bigfoot know Kung-Fu?
Seriously folks, if you curl up with your significant other to watch a movie on a kid free evening… Even bad B-grade Sci-Fi is better than this atrocious film. There is only one thing that will ruin the mood faster…
That one thing is laughing when the Tiny Terrorist gets frustrated and yells Damnit… Yes it is cute, especially since he uses the term properly… But laughing, even if not in the presence of the Tiny Terrorist is unacceptable. It is also mortifying to Pretty Lady, who taught him this word. Parenting is hard and mistakes are made… Kinda like when you are play Chutes and Ladders and you make the Tiny Terrorist cry by winning twice in a row…
My mistake for the week was building and teaching the Tiny Terrorist how to use a rope swing in our back yard.
Of course over the course of teaching him to use the swing, he challenged me for dominance of the tribe. This challenge could not be ignored!
But I think we can call it a draw…
Now his dominance over the swing was definitely a failure… he later fell off and hit his head so hard his shoe fell off… Both he and his mother blame me for the incident. I would like it to be noted that at the time of the incident, I was the one taking photos while he and Pretty Lady were on the swing… The chutes and ladder game of life definitely dropped him on his ass though…
Now my ladder for the week was a big one. The Florida Department of Economic Opportunity finally processed my unemployment claim! after 39 days of pending, I am now recieving unemploymeny insurance at last!
That being said I am still up for instigating anarchy by becoming the mayor of a shanty town in their front lawn. The system is clearly broken and millions of people in Florida are still waiting on these bureaucratic clowns to get their shit together.
Days Unemployed: 41
Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 3 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 1 point for powering through that god awful movie, 1 point for the rope swing and resulting battle for dominance, 14 points for little man using the potty, negative 9 points for tiny terrorist having an accident.
To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/
This Update’s total points: 10
Total to date: 69
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