Has it really been a month since our last update? Time is flying by. Our apologies for not getting an update out sooner! Do I have an exciting, great big update for you guys? Well, um, no actually. Life is life right now.
Tyler and Grant
Tyler has been busy creating the One Shot Trainings. Meaning late nights filming and long days in front of the computer editing videos. Those late nights were awful, now that he has been home for 9 months I can’t fall asleep without him in bed. Even with that, I am proud of him. I don’t think I have ever met someone who has such big crazy dreams and then manages to make them happen.
Grant has been busy, well, being Grant. The life of a 3-year-old is so much simpler. He goes to daycare, which sometimes he loves, and sometimes throws a fit when we tell him it is time to leave. Last night he booby-trapped the stair landing by covering it in toys. He is learning new things constantly too. He knows the planets now. My 3 year old can name all the planets. The daycare is working with them on recognizing letters. Sometimes when we are driving down the road and he’ll say “Mommy it’s a (whatever letter he saw)!”
As for me, I’m in finals week. I have 2 finals and a discussion board left then I’m done. Not just done with the semester but done done. I will have earned my associate’s in Business Administration. If you ask me how I’m feeling I’m going to awkward laugh, shrug my shoulders, and say “I don’t know”. Truthfully I go back and forth between different emotions.
A big part of me is proud and feels accomplished. I went out and got a degree. Then the mean ugly voice in my head likes to remind me that it is just an associate’s degree in business so nothing special, it is from Ivy Tech a community college, and I’m 26 so didn’t earn it till almost 10 years after graduating high school. I have high school classmates who have gone on to earn all kinds of impressive degrees, one is even a lawyer. Therefore I can’t blame my small-town school.
I keep reminding myself that yes while all of this is true, I still accomplished this and that I am allowed to feel proud of myself. Earned my degree while working, while raising a toddler, and while going through an ugly divorce that tore me apart. I may have been earning the degree but I was also in the process of completing rebuilding myself. I probably wouldn’t even recognize myself from 2 years ago.
That is the lesson that I am taking from all of this. Just because your accomplishments look different from someone else, does not mean they are not accomplishments for you to be proud of. I earned an associate’s degree and I am excited and proud of myself. I will also continue to cheer on everyone’s accomplishments they achieve. Is this where I thought I would be at 26? HA! Not even close.
But I am happy. Genuinely, truly, unapologetically happy. I am marrying a man who is my best friend. Grant is happy and thriving. I am working a job that I love and that I hopefully have a future in. And I earned a degree. Do I have people who think I’m a mess and other hateful things? Yup. But I have accepted that that is never going to change. I am not going to live the life they think I should, I’m going to live the life I want too. My main focus is how I feel, how well Grant is, and keeping up with Tyler’s crazy ideas.
Wrap it up, Caitlyn.
Well, that took a turn to a little personal. But I feel better after writing that all out. Who knows, maybe it’ll help one of you who might be feeling the same things I am. Our life isn’t always adventures and fun times. We have the hard moments together too so we are sharing it as well.
To summarize, Tyler is doing Tyler things, Grant is being a normal 3-year-old boy, and I have earned an associate’s degree and am proud of it. If you have accomplished something this year, especially this year (2020, am I right?) then be proud of it! Let’s stop comparing our achievements to other’s achievements and just be proud of ourselves. Go out and celebrate those accomplishments!
Now go have your own adventure and tell us about it!
With much love and appreciation for reading my inner thoughts,
-Caitlyn aka Pretty Lady