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bad idea

5/13/20 Alcohol and Fire Don’t Mix, A Birthday Trip, and a Business Plan?

May 13, 2020 by Tyler

So from time to time when in the DeLong Tavern (a.k.a. A Man, A Jeep, No Real Plan World Head Quarters, also known as my garage) enough adult beverages are consumed that poor choices are made. Due to this well known fact Pretty Lady has issued some guidelines. Guidelines include things like no power tools once the third beverage is mixed, no betting on any “stupid human tricks”, if it makes me giggle for more than 5 seconds… we must wait for adult supervision before trying it, and most importantly I do not get to decide who counts as adult supervision. Oh, and as of a few nights ago, no accelerants are permitted while starting a fire once the second beverage has been mixed.

To be fair, the first time we, yes we, I do not drink alone, but yeah, the first time tried to start the fire, it did not start due to the fact that there was no small dry wood, only old wooden siding, gasoline, and it was raining. So an unnamed party decided to poor more gas on the fire when they thought it was out. Well, it was not out, so the can caught and was thrown. At which time I went into the Delong Tavern and came out with a packing blanket in hopes of smothering the now flaming gas can. It did not work… At this point in time we determined that it wasn’t going anywhere, so we’ll just let it burn out. Upon going inside I am proud to announce that I told Pretty Lady all about the incident and requested that she ignore the scorched mark in the lawn when she saw it the next day.

Unfortunately when she saw it the next morning, I was immediately put in time out. I want it to be known that just like the Tiny Terrorist, I did my time and upon release immediately started looking for some different shenanigans.

With things starting to open up, I have decided that my first adventure will be happening the weekend before my Birthday. Pretty Lady and I are going to leave the Tiny Terrorist behind and spend a long weekend trying to score some adventure points in Kentucky and Tennessee. This Adventure will be celebrating my birthday and will be known as “33 Years of Bad Ideas”

Speaking of bad ideas, I’m trying to figure out a way to make my adventures a tad bit more economically friendly. I am contemplating several different angles. I could start charging to access to the archives, but that’s really not my style. I could start selling advertising on the site, but it’ll probably be a cold day in hell before I do that. I could sell bumper sticker space on Jeff though… I may have to look into that one. Another idea is the fact that I do have some swag I made for myself… I mean all I have at the moment is bumper stickers like the above…

But I do have literally thousands of photos that I could have prints made of to sell… I could also do things like coffee mugs, shirts, posters, and other swag… Or I could take my adventures and write a book… I am kind of torn between selling swag and writing a book. Perhaps I’ll do both? Or maybe I’ll write a book and give away the bumper stickers? I don’t know… But if you see a store pop up on the site, no it’s not a scam.

Days Unemployed: 55

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Would you like to hire me to write for you? Please email me at amanajeepnorealplan@gmail.com

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: 33 Years of Bad Ideas, Adulting fail, adventures, bad idea, Book Writing, DeLong Tavern, Fire, Prints

4/30/20 F@*king Chutes and Ladders

April 30, 2020 by Tyler

Have you ever tried teaching a toddler how to play Chutes and Ladders? It’s easier than potty training, but you may inadvertly teach them a few new words.

Words similar to the ones you utter when you strip off siding and find carpenter ants… Luckily the house has a life time chemical barrier on it, so one quick phone call and the bug guy was out here spraying. Luckily the dammage was localized, so we’ll just replace a few studs and keep moving. In the real life game of Chutes and Ladders, this is a freak’n chute my friends.

Another “chute” in the real life game is watching the wrong movie on date night. If you ever stumble across a movie titled, The Man Who Killed Hitler and then the Bigfoot. KEEP SCROLLING. There is no better way to kill a date night than this movie. It had everything but a coherent storyline and a competent/sober editor. I mean it has a star studded cast, Nazi’s, romance, secret government agencies, a botched mugging of a badass old man, and Bigfoot! How on earth can this not be an amazing film?

Well, if you go down the acid trip induced rabit hole that is this film… You will have many questions. Questions such as, what is in the box under his bed? What happened to his Girlfriend? Why did he fake his death? Why did he come back after faking his death? How does Bigfoot know Kung-Fu?

Seriously folks, if you curl up with your significant other to watch a movie on a kid free evening… Even bad B-grade Sci-Fi is better than this atrocious film. There is only one thing that will ruin the mood faster…

That one thing is laughing when the Tiny Terrorist gets frustrated and yells Damnit… Yes it is cute, especially since he uses the term properly… But laughing, even if not in the presence of the Tiny Terrorist is unacceptable. It is also mortifying to Pretty Lady, who taught him this word. Parenting is hard and mistakes are made… Kinda like when you are play Chutes and Ladders and you make the Tiny Terrorist cry by winning twice in a row…

My mistake for the week was building and teaching the Tiny Terrorist how to use a rope swing in our back yard.

Of course over the course of teaching him to use the swing, he challenged me for dominance of the tribe. This challenge could not be ignored!

But I think we can call it a draw…

Now his dominance over the swing was definitely a failure… he later fell off and hit his head so hard his shoe fell off… Both he and his mother blame me for the incident. I would like it to be noted that at the time of the incident, I was the one taking photos while he and Pretty Lady were on the swing… The chutes and ladder game of life definitely dropped him on his ass though…

Now my ladder for the week was a big one. The Florida Department of Economic Opportunity finally processed my unemployment claim! after 39 days of pending, I am now recieving unemploymeny insurance at last!

That being said I am still up for instigating anarchy by becoming the mayor of a shanty town in their front lawn. The system is clearly broken and millions of people in Florida are still waiting on these bureaucratic clowns to get their shit together.

Days Unemployed: 41

Unemployed adventure points earned on this update: 3 points for Tiny Terrorist going to time out (1 each), 1 point for powering through that god awful movie, 1 point for the rope swing and resulting battle for dominance, 14 points for little man using the potty, negative 9 points for tiny terrorist having an accident.

To see the full list of how I can earn points, check out: http://amanajeepnorealplan.com/tylers-coronavirus-unemployment-adventure-point-system/

This Update’s total points: 10

Total to date: 69

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Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: bad idea, house renovations, Parenting?, potty training

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