A Man, A Jeep, No Real Plan

Amazing Stories and Adventures

Adulting fail

5/13/20 Alcohol and Fire Don’t Mix, A Birthday Trip, and a Business Plan?

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So from time to time when in the DeLong Tavern (a.k.a. A Man, A Jeep, No Real Plan World Head Quarters, also known as my garage) enough adult beverages are consumed that poor choices are made. Due to this well known fact Pretty Lady has issued some guidelines. Guidelines include things like no power tools once the third beverage is mixed, no betting on any “stupid human tricks”, if it makes me giggle for more than 5 seconds… we must wait for adult supervision before trying it, and most importantly I do not get to decide who counts as adult supervision. Oh, and as of a few nights ago, no accelerants are permitted while starting a fire once the second beverage has been mixed.

To be fair, the first time we, yes we, I do not drink alone, but yeah, the first time tried to start the fire, it did not start due to the fact that there was no small dry wood, only old wooden siding, gasoline, and it was raining. So an unnamed party decided to poor more gas on the fire when they thought it was out. Well, it was not out, so the can caught and was thrown. At which time I went into the Delong Tavern and came out with a packing blanket in hopes of smothering the now flaming gas can. It did not work… At this point in time we determined that it wasn’t going anywhere, so we’ll just let it burn out. Upon going inside I am proud to announce that I told Pretty Lady all about the incident and requested that she ignore the scorched mark in the lawn when she saw it the next day.

Unfortunately when she saw it the next morning, I was immediately put in time out. I want it to be known that just like the Tiny Terrorist, I did my time and upon release immediately started looking for some different shenanigans.

With things starting to open up, I have decided that my first adventure will be happening the weekend before my Birthday. Pretty Lady and I are going to leave the Tiny Terrorist behind and spend a long weekend trying to score some adventure points in Kentucky and Tennessee. This Adventure will be celebrating my birthday and will be known as “33 Years of Bad Ideas”

Speaking of bad ideas, I’m trying to figure out a way to make my adventures a tad bit more economically friendly. I am contemplating several different angles. I could start charging to access to the archives, but that’s really not my style. I could start selling advertising on the site, but it’ll probably be a cold day in hell before I do that. I could sell bumper sticker space on Jeff though… I may have to look into that one. Another idea is the fact that I do have some swag I made for myself… I mean all I have at the moment is bumper stickers like the above…

But I do have literally thousands of photos that I could have prints made of to sell… I could also do things like coffee mugs, shirts, posters, and other swag… Or I could take my adventures and write a book… I am kind of torn between selling swag and writing a book. Perhaps I’ll do both? Or maybe I’ll write a book and give away the bumper stickers? I don’t know… But if you see a store pop up on the site, no it’s not a scam.

Days Unemployed: 55

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The Whirlwind That is My Life

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Hello all! It’s been a few weeks and for that… I’m not going to apologize. I’ve had a crap ton going on.

I returned to Bloomington and had a week and a half to get my affairs in order to be on tour till May. This included taking possession of my new house, moving out of my condo, getting the condo “renter ready”, starting the renovation of the new house… it was hectic to say the least. Nothing got done, but everything got started and steered in the right direction so other people could finish it after I left.

Some of the highlights of that process included a massive trip to Lowe’s.

A trailer that kept trying to kill me.

 

And addressing my issues with hoarding building materials.

 

Also, of course to add to all of it, Jeff is a dick. Jeff, my trusty steed for my summer adventures, my ride or die partner in crime… blew a head gasket… So Jeff is currently parked on the farm and will be remaining there until I get back to Indiana.

It was an overall adventure and it hurt my soul to leave so soon, but on July 15th I left Bloomington and headed to start my new position at Feld Entertainment as a Production Manager. In all likelihood it’ll be 10 months or more before I’m home again, but that is part of the adventure. My first stop is 84 days straight in Palmetto, FL.

 

That’s right guys, I traded my kilt for slacks and a button up. I am now being paid to be the adult supervision. Apparently the fact that I was on a road trip with no destination during my interview process didn’t tip them off that adulting is not my strong suit.

But don’t worry, they have now figured out that I am descending into the world of being an adult kicking and screaming like the toddler I truly am. I don’t know exactly what tipped them off, but it may have been the fact that I am referring to my cubical as a cell and am refusing to use it, or the fact that I am spending what used to be my smoke breaks wondering around the facility killing zombies… The transition to being an adult may not be going as smooth as some would like. Haha

All of that aside, I really am loving this job. We are currently 2 weeks into the electrics build of my show and all of the other departments will be joining us here at Feld Studios this week. We have 2 weeks of building/training, then we’ll spend a week putting it all together, follow that up with a month of rehearsals and then we open on October 12th in Tampa.

I know that I just glazed over a really long period of time there guys, but I can’t really talk about projects that aren’t open yet. But trust me when I say we’re excited about several of the projects going on around here.

I promise once the show is open and the tour has begun I’ll have more adventures to share with you guys, but until then, why don’t you go have an adventure of your own?

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So much for an quick and easy day trip to Boston.

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So, as you may know, I am in the middle of a pre-broadway tech at the moment, but one of my best friends is getting married today in Boston. So I begged, threatened and bartered my way into 24 hours off to get to this wedding.

The plan was to get a stupid early flight to Boston, go to the wedding, go to the reception and then head straight to the airport to catch a flight and make it to work by 8am on Sunday.

Well my flight is currently boarding and I am 30 miles away on the side of the road… Jeff (the jeep) is a dick.

I do not currently know what the issue is, I was driving and suddenly my engine ceased to be running… it turns over fine, electrically everything is fine… but it’s acting like I am out of gas. Just for the record I am most certainly not out of gas. Oh, also I am dressed for a wedding and can’t go poking around…

So, I did what any self respecting man would do. I swallowed my pride called and woke my father up to take me to the airport. I’ve been in communication with the airlines and As long as I can get to the airport in the next hour I am going to make it to Boston…

So, if you are driving between Bloomington and Indy this weekend and you see Jeff in time out on the side of the road, please give him the finger and move along. AAA and I (or maybe my father) will be collecting him soon.

Sometimes they ask if you can fit through a hole.

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“Can you fit through that hole?” That is the question that was asked of me on Saturday morning. The hole is 10 inch across and as wide as you can stretch the ropes and cables, and the answer I gave was something along the lines of, “do I have a choice?” Despite being the honorary captain of team fat kid I did fit through a 10 inch hole. But why would I ever need to slip through a cable well and work underneath the grid?

Because I am in Tech. If you ever have done any form of theatre you have experienced the whirlwind that is “Tech”. Well, the higher up the proverbial food chain you get the longer and more brutal the process becomes. I am currently in a month long pre-broadway Tech. Someone has invested more money than I can fathom into making this show happen, and the higher the budget the more stressed everyone becomes and the more small details lead to doing colossally dumb things like going through a cable well in the grid.

I am struggling to make a connection to normal life on this one, but I know that sometimes in life you have situations that can’t be fixed through any means that you would normally even consider. Hell sometimes the solution is so out there that you don’t even think of it when you “think outside the box”.

Take my road trip for example, if you have been following along (or got bored enough to read the archives) you know that the trip has been constantly evolving. Originally it was a 4 month long marathon trip. Then this Tech came up and the opportunity to upgrade my living situation in July came along. So now my very planned out route has turned into a free for all with a scavenger hunt component that I am hoping I can cram into a month… I mean talk about trying to “fit through a hole”. Haha

At any rate, life is good at the moment and I am less than a month away from hoping in the jeep and seeing how long I can avoid being an adult. Although I have to admit I am not sure that what I do for a living allows me to qualify as an adult… I mean do adults get asked if they can fit through holes 70 feet in the air? Cause I do.

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Home again, the post tour slump.

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This is what I look like at the end of a tour. I am sitting in the airport, I am tired, I am sore, I am depressed, heartbroken to be leaving my road family, and I have no clue how to function again in normal society. Returning home for a roadie is bitter sweet at best, but for most, it’s honestly a really rough period. The post tour slump is why it’s taken me almost a week to post.

You see when a roadie returns home it’s a culture shock. You go from a high stress, high stakes environment, where things are either perfect or fucked up, where everything in life is dictated for you… To an environment where it doesn’t matter if you put pants on, let alone do anything productive. You are going from a very tight knit road family who magically understand your every whim and you can be raw and honest with, to being surrounded by people who don’t understand why you aren’t happy to be home and really don’t appreciate how versatile the word “fuck” truly is.

Let me tell you what every road dog doesn’t have the words to say. I go home because that’s where the company sends me when they don’t have a use for me. I love being home, but being sent home is what happens when I have no purpose. It’s part of the game, but it still kinda sucks. It also sucks that when you leave your road family, you will never have that particular team assembled again, everyone scatters. The family that you just spent 24/7 with is dead and there is no reviving it. We all get sent to the various cities we call home. Some people know what their next tour will be, some people know that unemployment is the only certainty in the foreseeable future. The one thing that we all know about the future is that we will never all be together again.

This detail really messes with people’s heads. I mean after spending a contract pouring your heart and soul into your craft and your team, even if you didn’t like everyone, you’ve bonded with them. You have inside jokes, more than a few stories that you can never tell without being judged… and honestly a few shared scares, both physical and emotional.

I am one of the lucky ones, both of my parents toured in their days, they can’t really help soften the blow of coming home, but they understand that it’ll take a few days or maybe weeks for me to be “normal” again. I mean I showed up to the family Christmas and spent the majority of the time passed out on the couch. My siblings, my nieces, my nephews, they all didn’t understand why I was passed out on the couch. Mom and Dad however didn’t even blink. I was awoken for the meal, we did presents afterwards, and I quickly bowed out to go deal with other matters.

Every roadie finds their own way of dealing with post tour blues. Some people are constantly bugging the people they just left, some people are obsessively planning their next move, and some people just hermit with their poison of choice. I personally become a bar fly.

On tour you spend a lot of your time in bars. Yes it has to do with the desire to drink, but when you are on tour, bars tend to be the only place that have an open kitchen after work. So once the curtain comes down, you head to what ever watering hole you have found in that particular city and you order your beverage of choice and a burger. When I come home, even though I can’t really relate to anyone in the bar, the bar is where I feel most at home. I try to limit my drinking, because self medication never ends well, but I go and I sit. I people watch. I try to evaluate my life and figure out how to act like a normal person in a bar. I know for many people the concept of being a normal person in a bar is a bit mind blowing, or even distasteful, but for me it’s the first step in reintegration into society. Once I can master being a “normal drunk” the rest seems to come easy.

 

 

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